Well, I just started my first load of clothes and now I am headed to the bathrooms... Yes this is how I spend my mornings when I am home form work.  I like to get all my house work out of the way so I can get out and do stuff!!  I have lunch plans with an old friend this afternoon.  I haven't seen her in about a year (except for a run in two weeks ago).  I have looked through LOTS of live space's and I am having a hard time finding just another average person that has normal "life situations" to deal with.  There is not one perfect life out there!  NOT ONE!  You may be very happy as I usually am, but no one has it all, ya know.  And on the other hand, I have gone through many, many bad times as well as good.  I do know though that you can learn and grow or cry about it.  Maybe crying is good for a short time ( atleast it makes me feel better to get it out) but I choose to grow.

 

I love life and I'm really starting to get excited about this site!  Thanks Dave!  You showed interest first and gave me hope with this stuff. 

 

This was a crazy weekend!  I had a great date with my husband Saturday night.  We planned to have the kids stay with Granny overnight but that didn't exactly happen.  My daughter wanted to go home and Granny called and asked us to pick them up.  THAT SUCKS!  My children hardly ever stay the night anywhere.  Really, like 3 or 4 times in my five year old's life.  Ending date night early ruined my mood!  Let me start by saying this before I go into the rest of the evenings events, I have an issue with trust for several reasons.  I have some childhood issues that are coming back and into play.  I hate to say that the only person I have ever taken this out on is the one I love most, my husband Robert.  He does so much to try and make me feel secure in our relationship but it's like I am always looking for him to mess up.  What is wrong with this picture??  I mentioned last time that he has two e-mail accounts that I didn't know about and haven't told him I found.  Saturday night, like I said, I was upset about the way our date had to end and that set the tone for the rest of the night.  I saw that he was on the computer checking one account at 12:00am.  This was it for me.  Why did he need to be on this e-mail account that he is doesn't want me to know about at midnight right after a date with me.  I went off like a mad woman, cursing and yelling at him(and this is something we don't ever do, ever!).  It was ugly!  I don't like getting so mad but at that very moment I didn't care, or I didn't think my actions through.  Long, long, long story short, he ended up telling me that he has this account to communicate with a long time friend Sue (like a mother figure to him) about how to "DEAL WITH" me. 

 

Now if I didn't tell you all of this, you wouldn't ever guess that this is an issue in our relationship or that I had it in me to be this way.  As a matter of fact, it's the only real issue we have.  Outside of this we are great together.  Knowing this, I have decided to get some help with my emotional baggage.  My parents had a terrable relationship and I didn't have a good example of how things should work in a healthy relationship.  All things said, I know if I want to stay married I need to chill out.  Just say for conversation sake he was cheating.  He isn't stupid, he would do a good job keeping it from me and worring about it would get me no closer to the truth.  I just have to trust what he says and learn not to question his every move.  I want so bad to believe him but I am so scaired of getting hurt.  My actions are causing me the pain, not him.  I guess I will keep anyone who wants to read updated.  Like I said last time, this site is all new to me so I don't reallyknow how it works. 

 

I have a ton of pictures on my computer but I still don't know if I want my family's pictures all over the internet.  Maybe once I am more comfortable with this.